Here and now.

Anyone who knows me knows that I really like college, preferably the academic side of the matter. Books and pencils really get me excited, and if given the choice, I’d go to some form of college the rest of my life and probably die while getting my ninth PhD. What some call “real life” has no real allure to me, and if I could hide from those who would seek to pull me into reality, I would. Just don’t tell anybody that my hideout is in the reference section of my college’s library during the day, and at night, I hide next to the Canadian literature.

However, though I enjoy school a wee bit too much for most’s comfort, this morning, many of my peers were lamenting about how long this semester has felt. Though I would take the stressors of the semester to the laze of summer, I can’t say I’m too far behind them opinion wise. It seems that when I clear one pile from my desk and mark the last task from my day planner, more duties fill the gap. That sweet, nice gap.

Regardless, this is the life I’ve picked for myself. Sure, there are days I feel like I’m a member of the living dead and there are days too where I drop to my metaphorical knees in prayer more than once, asking God to get me through. I’m silly enough to believe this difficult semester is making me a better person. I’ve learned about dangling/misplaced modifiers and I’ve helped students that I tutor understand readings for their classes. Each and every day, whether I know it or not, has probably taught me something about literature, communicating with others, and life in general.

Yes, almost every day I wonder why I’ve decided to engage in the pursuit of lifelong learning. The days are long, the stress occasionally runs high, and the paper assignments pile up. I sometimes wonder if my future students will even care that a long, long time ago, I was a student, trying to learn something to pass along to them. I fear my future classroom will ignore me, and my effort will go to waste.

But for the here and now, every morning I wake up, and believe that I can learn something new. No, I’m not the most optimistic person in the world, but I believe without a doubt that there’s a God who’s watching out for me and ready to catch me on the good and bad days. I’m working on maybe not looking so far ahead into the future, but focusing on today and what I can do to make it a better place.


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